reasons why topgun is the most homoerotic movie ever made:
1. Maverick’s preferred choice of transport are motorbikes and MiGs. He basically likes a big engine between his legs. Or being strapped in with his hands clasped on a gearstick.
2. Kelly McGillis plays the main female lead, yet she is often seen in elevators dressed as a man. She also has a ridiculously good knowledge of planes and we don’t see her shaving her legs once.
3. The most iconic quote from the movie is, “I feel the need…the need for speed!” It’s a well known fact that men can’t be bothered with foreplay. Get in there, get the job done, make some toast, watch Match of the Day. Sorted.
4. In the volleyball scene, Goose is seen wearing a t-shirt. This is not because his skin burns easily. It’s because he’s a tease.
5. Other quotes from the film include, “Okay Mav, let’s turn and burn”, “I was invaded” and “We’re in his Jet Wash.” I have looked at the manual for the US Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program and can confirm that none of these appear in the terminology section.
6. Iceman. The Baywatch style bleached hair. The hand-on-hip poses. The snapping of teeth. The wingman called Slider. The walk straight out of Village People. He’s not leaving much to the imagination is he?
7. The soundtrack. From Playing With The Boys to Great Balls Of Fireto Heaven In Your Eyes by Loverboy. It’s like being at Elton John’s house party.
the chunky hipster